1.7.2009 von admin.

Green. A greenish yellow greyish sky. Like big fresh bogey. Everywhere.

First really warm moisty day today in Berlin this summer. Looking backwards into the sky while jogging through Mauerpark I actually got a little afraid. Just waiting for a tornado snoozy to suck down on Berlin. But it did not come. Did hardly rain at all. As is always the case in Berlin: big tamtam, but nothing about it.

Running to the studio. Running within the studio. Running running running. Running on the road. Running away from myself. But I don’t get any step further. Did not get a single step away from where I am. I cannot make decisions. Cannot make a decision and am waiting things will turn out just by themselves. Some decisions are hard to be taken.

I listen to Cinnamon Girl of Dunkelbut now for about two hours in a row. Snare drum and a lot more. I can see the swing dancers twisting around. It’s so gorgeous. All these apes.

What reminds me of the vegetable garden of a Rudolf Steiner Schule I encountered today in Berlin very central. It’s perfectly hidden, but totally in the sun. ….

Puuhh. The modern human life is so cut off from normalty. Hit me hard to see that garden. Did not see one for a long time. I have a special connection to plants. Today I took a salad out of the fridge. If I would have put it into the earth, it would have started to florish. As I cut it into pieces, I killed it. I ate its heart.

To talk about such apes. As you hang around quite a lot, did you ever start to really hang? It is very apish and by that probably very human. I do that extensively.

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28.6.2009 von admin.

Sunday evening Berlin. Sun is down already and the night is low in end of June.

Walking from the fitness club Schönhauser Allee, hungry, direction is to central. Everything looks ugly. Only rarely can one see something beautiful. But Gleimstrasse is nice. I find some very delicious schawarma, which I was dreaming of since a while and which so deliciously saved me from starving. Together with some Airan. walking further on Gleimstrasse, very nice here. The Mauerpark is still full with people. Some. Playing frisbee. Very peaceful and the garbage is piled. Sitting down at the baseball court, having a rest in midth of funny people. A half naked sun colored player is filling up the air with a heavy load of Axe deodorant. Smells great. They talk reasonable stuff just like cool sportsmen do. Me walking on after a while.

Passing by my house. Very weird gallery on Bernauer Strasse. And the death zone of the Berlin wall is filled up quickly with new housing. Grabbing a totally red, heart-shaped ballon from the pathway. Taking it with me. It is just the right thing I need. A heart to hold on.

Somehow a young men is running all around me. Comes out of the bushes from piing, comes up from the underground as I descend, comes down again while I am waiting with others for the train to arrive. I’m calling after him to not smoke in the underground as he seems reasonable. Some answer. Telling him it is not ok. Being told by some black guy afterwards, asked actually, if I am the ‘Ordnungsamt’? Of course, yes, sorry. People do believe Jesus as he tells them he is gods own son. But yet, they don’t get the idea of worthiness of soberty. Hehe. We all go down.

There was a dog in the underground, which really went for my ballon. Somehow that made me feel bad. Really bad. I should have given that dog my ballon. But I didn’t get the idea. Still too weirded out by some Ordnungsamt bloody stupid shit. And yes, I am still wanting to throw up.

Why can one not just dissolve? Diffuse actually within the internet? There it is nice and only. I spent the day reading throw the history of the Linux kernel programming by Linus Thorwalds, again his GIT, the GNU project initiated by Richard Stallman, them freak, the Debian project, which really put me into awe. The detail alone the name coming from its initiater Ian Murdock, putting it together with parts of the name of his wife Debra. I like such details much. Better though, Debian today is a well structured democratic organisation.

I read about Markus Schulze, inventing only recently some advanced form of decision making algorithm. Here in Berlin actually. And so on and so on. One just sometimes wants to get into this internet world for real. Not into the real world for real, which has beauties, too, but which you more and more only find, piled down by bear bottles and other dumb crazy stuff.

Ok, I am probably just unjustifiedly unsatisfied. Look at that so beautiful red heart-shaped ballon I have. And such nice computer. Let’s finally get something done.

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24.6.2009 von admin.

Things are going crazy. I am sitting in between and am really wondering what to do about it. Doing actually nothing. Just contemplating.

I am wondering about my own position between all this. I am running through my past life, wondering how many things happened. I feel like being in the midst of a horrible tornado storm. There is hardly any encounter, which doesn’t deeply shock me. I am wondering where all my normal life went to.

I am pretty much running in a circle. This blog here helped me to get clear with some points. Besides having actually written something about “such” forms, I tosted myself into a many weird situations. It is kind of a destructivism. Structure feeding from chaos. Probalby trying to prepare certain things, before I may go on a journey.

May go. It is hard to know about a way. Talking is one thing, doing is another. There are certain ways. Probably all of them could lead somewhere. But I am freaking at the idea to take either one of them. I am happy for just every second to stay and do nothing.

There have been a lot of weird entries here lately. There may hardly be anyone so patient to carry through all this. Things have pretty much become a public private diary. In common with the public project noddr only the character of being public. But noddr is for the public, the tosing around may after all be selfish.

It is another day over now. The mobile I used lately to write entries in here has been stolen from me. Of course, it was my stupidness to not protect it enough. My stupidness of not being able to match my dream of living with reality. The theft was very personal and it hit me hard. Taking away a lot of spirit and happiness. But yes, I am a thief, too. I stole a cherry the day before yesterday from the neighbors tree. A big one. And who knows, what I will be stealing tomorrow.

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18.6.2009 von admin.

I worked two years in a social commerce company. Yeah. What a word. “Social Commerce”.

That is plain stiffy.

Commercialised means capitalism means conservative right wing assoziation means being far from any social assoziations, which is the proper of the left wing. Possibly the very left wing.

But is it not such, which may give you some need for thinking. It is the word “social” on its own.

During that work stay I have a straight two years learing curve on social thinking. You can think that much about such tiny word “social”. And learn. Learn a lot. Because putting a lot of entities together, you can get a lot of combinations. You can build up very many kinds of social interaction. Democracy is just one game to play.

I told you about such bottles, the “Pfandflasche”. And that it might be the social instrument of the 21st century. You can really do a lot with such bottles. It is a very personal connection to give someone such a bottle. It is something special. It is something social. And you can do a lot with social interaction.

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18.6.2009 von admin.

I asked Facebook about relationships. I told them, I have a possible friendship with a girl I might fall in love with. I said, if I agree with the friendship, I would have a relationship, which is not appropiate.

They could not give me an answer. They actually said, they do not offer special forms of relationships.

Ok. I tried to deal with that. But I found myself pretty embarrassed. I do have special relationships with people. I cannot possibly have a friendship with a girl I would fall in love with and on the same side have a standard friendship with my wife. How could that possibly be?

They do not offer special relationships for married people, either.

So then, I close up things. I cannot concentrate on a life with special problems. This is just too complicated for me. More, I focus on the important things. Things, which I know are right, in the very sense of the word. Which grab systems on their basic principles, giving you a much better hand on things.

It is, that we are much too afraid to lose something, we could possibly dare to think, by loosing something, we could actually gain. Possibly gain a lot.

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18.6.2009 von admin.

Give us blood, give us blood. How we really like the sensationalism.

It is the blood of democracy, which flows.

It is the admirable game, called democracy. The wholy. Our all game, which suffers.

Why is a game so important?

The game has rules. It is too play that game to not fight with force and kill people.

Did you not know?

Why is that game so important? Because we gain a lot more from it? Who wins, if we fight?

Shall we fight? Civil war? Is that what you want? Who wins? Divide et impera? Who fights against who? War is not a game. Moreover it is a game in which we all loose. So lets play democracy.

What is it about? It is about a 30 percentage of the population could win such civil war, if it fights all other parties, being actually smaller, in a timely row. So then it is 30 percent a majority dictating the rules. Do you understand? This is the basic thought of democracy. The relative majority takes the vote.

What happens in Iran is completely out of interest. In a liberal democracy happening every every every every day, such silly problems as exist there in Iran just don’t happen.

Focus. It is the liberal rules assigned to market systems, which keeps them best ruled. They grab the basic principles of a system and just hold that in place. Just like all that famous people giving their names to your streets, statesmen, officemen, took the basic rules of their systems and kept it in place. For the best of us.

A liberally organized democracy is open to the relative majority deciding laws. That is its openess. It might never be the situation such can be found in the market conditions at work. But it is the holy spirit of good liberal market rules, which help us to have better than in Iran.

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15.6.2009 von admin.

“Alle Schlampen außer Mutti” …

Wenn ich für jede Schlampe, die auf Deutschlands Strassen rumläuft, eine Mark kriegen würde, wäre ich sicherlich Millionär. Rauchend, verbraucht, blöde, eingebildet und schnell laufend, um vermeintlich wertvolle Attraktivität zu signalisieren. Alles so lächerlich. Wenn ich nur die banalsten Kriterien zusammennehme, ist Berlin eine frauenlose Stadt. Glücklicherweise gibt es Oasen. Und ja, lieber pummelige Mütter auf Spielplätzen, als der ganze quarzende Dreck, der überall neben der Strasse rumsitzt.

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14.6.2009 von admin.

Nach einer langen Nacht in einem neuen Domizil, irgendwo auf dem Mauerstreifen, wo man nachts noch die Schüsse und die Schreie hören mag, fragt man sich, wohin man eigentlich geht? Man kann erstaunlich gut schlafen auf zwei übereinander gelegten Iso-Matten. Und ein vormittäglicher Lauf einmal quer durch den Wedding lässt einen auch recht klar schauen. Man kann sich sehr tiefgreifende Fragen fragen, ob die Familie mit persönlichen Zielen noch vereinbar ist? Oder ob man diesen Gedanken nicht einfach besser verdrängt? Das WC reinigt, die Waschmaschine füllt, seine Sachen packt und sich im Park in eine Lektüre vertieft, die einem hilft in der nächsten Arbeitswoche zu verstehen, was man eigentlich tut. Wo bleibt da nur die dringend nötige Demokratie? Keine Ahnung. Draussen ist Kaiserwetter. Die Waschmaschine brummt. Und der Rest ergibt sich von alleine.

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12.6.2009 von admin.

Ein französisches Wort. Was mich als Berliner besonders berührt, denn Berlin ist auch heute noch recht französisch. Nicht nur, dass man ja mal in der Oberschicht auf französisch Konversation zu betreiben pflegte. Nein. Trottoir. Balkon. Boulette. Jongleur.

Wer weiß heute noch, was die vielen Hugenotten uns gebracht haben? Wer weiß heute noch, inwieweit man selbst ein Teil von diesem gebrachten ist. Vielleicht über die reine Sprache hinaus.

Jongleure zumindest sind besondere Menschen. Sie haben Fähigkeiten, die uns zum Staunen bringen. Vielleicht zumindest eine Fähigkeit, zu jonglieren. Wir geben ihnen Geld, wie den Junkies in der U-Bahn.

The possibility that you as a listener has(sic) an understanding to be able to understand is very low.

So, um so zu sprechen, dass es jeder verstehen kann. Es gibt viele Jongleure. Sie sind überall unter uns. Eigentlich ist fast jeder ein Jongleur. Der eine jongliert mit diesem, der andere mit diesem. Der eine fordert Dich zu einer Wette hinaus, der andere spielt mit Dir.

You never know.

Der andere spielt mit Dimensionen der Verwirrung. Unsicherheit, viralem Marketing, Dingen, die niemand verstehen kann.

And you are just the ball.

Es assoziiert, der normale Mensch recht viel, mit dem, was er liest. Buchstaben, Wörter, alles fliegt durcheinander, scheppert an der Gehirnwand, um dann im Strudel des Ich unterzugehen. So ungefähr. Dabei schaut es wirr und verängstigt.

Wieviele Leute schreiben heute schon auf der Erde ihren “earth-blog”?
How many people do nowadays already write an earth web log?

Es ist ja so, dass man sehr wichtig darob fühlt, einen Blog zu schreiben, irgendwie auf einem Platz, so dass Google es sehen kann. Ich meine die Kamera.

Und Google provides the Service. And google servers the service. Und realistischerweise bekommt es auch eine zusätzliche Wertung, was gesagt wird. Because it gains additional validity as it gains more asureness in the google data. Or?

Es wird immer die Frage bleiben, was sicher ist in der Wertung. Den Frage ist, was ist wirklich wichtig, von dem, was gesagt wird? Das, was über google earth web log veröffentlicht wird, weil Leute schreiben und google served und man sich so cool dabei vorkommt?

Oder, weil etwas wirklich wichtig ist? Wer kann das erkennen? Google? Der Leser eines google earth web log? Derjenige, der darüber wettet, ob dies durch die Nennung in diesem Blog im Sinne von viralem Marketing eher geschieht als ohne? Oder der, der die Wette verliert?

Es kommt auf den Leser drauf an.

Vielleicht noch zum Abschluss etwas wichtiges. Facebook ist jetzt in Deutschland. Und es bringt eine Menge Services mit, die unser Leben stark verändern. Hoffentlich zum Besseren.

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12.6.2009 von admin.

Why do men have to fight? I ask about men. I ask about men, not women. I do not ask about woman. Why do men have to fight?

Are they crazy? Or is it just they dont have to fight they could be calm and reasonable, too? I mean, I really ask you. It is not a question not to be put up because it is too obvious.

These are one of these rare answers nobody wants to give these days. Men have to fight to protect their feelings. Men are sensible. They are not allowed to cry. They have to protect themselves.

So. You would still kill me for having broken a tabu.

You dont belive me as I say you dont beliebe me that men have feelings which are to be protected. At least by them very selfes. There is no human right governed to them to do so. And I hate you for that notion as I am a man and I do suffer.

You still dont believe me. My feelings are not yours. And furthermore it is you just dont believe me. What are my feelings worth in your eyes? Did you not already snap at the very first sentence? Did you stay calm and reasonable?

It is not about fight and glory. It is about protecting feelings. Feelings which are worth a lot to people who bare them. You dont have to accept that. But be aware. Besides idiots there are men, who really suffer.

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